Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
