my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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