i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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