so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
