Jerry, you need to find god
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
