I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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