i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
she told me i tasted like america
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
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