mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
