remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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