I hope mine doesn't look like that
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Randomize
