That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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