its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
