i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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