She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
The adults are the big ones right?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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