Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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