I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
