i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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