his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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