Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
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