Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
