My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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