Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I want a musical about memes.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
