Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
