so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
