You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
