ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
