I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
