Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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