I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
