the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
