forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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