Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
