Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
