I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
