it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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