hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize