Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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