before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
