you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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