I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
