we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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