Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
