Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
