I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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