Your dad touched me again.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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