Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
