wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
