3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
