I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
