my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
