it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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