U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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