after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
