If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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