I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
