he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I need mimosas to revive my soul
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
