We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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