Kiss
Puke
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
