Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Come on in and take your pants off
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