a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
