I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She even gives head with a lisp.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
