She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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