no, he came in my armpit
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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