So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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