it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
