maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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