It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
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