I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
