Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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