Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
