i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
