he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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