I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
