I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
