I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
