I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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