i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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